Deadweight
by Loki321
Summary: Loki's anger, guilt, grief and malice become manifest as he revisits Asgard. It is the final kick that forces him to descend into madness.


**AN: **This was inspired by various beautiful fanarts showing Loki with a snake coiled around him. I had the idea of making the snake the manifestation of everything bad about him, and his anger pulls him into madness. I don't think I have done it that well but I did my best.

* * *

><p>Interesting. He had almost forgotten what the Sun looked like.<p>

Loki held out a pale hand. The near alien feeling of warmth caressed his skin. He could feel the power in the light, its pure energy, attempting to banish the frigid coldness that had settled in his heart. _Welcome home._

It failed.

Shrouded in his veil of unperceivable shadows, the fallen god wandered slowly through his old home, Asgard, drifting as sullenly and silently as a ghost would. It was fitting. The Aesir thought he was dead, and dead to this realm he was.

… No. This realm was dead to _him._

People resumed their business as usual, gossiping about the usurper prince and his true heritage. _How droll,_ they said, _that we were ruled by a Frost Giant. A god of lies and trickery. Thank Odin that the sorcerer is dead. I always knew there was something malicious about that boy of this. _These people he made sure to punish. A plague upon their herds. A disease on their crops. Eternally blunt swords and shields that crumpled on contact. The tricks amused him for a short while as he moved slowly towards the palace.

Something tickled his hand. Alarmed, he delved further into the shadows, afraid he had been seen. He lifted his hand and stared at it as the irritating niggling resumed, a slight sneer creasing his face. As he watched, green tendrils of his power snaked forth, coming together to form a single mass that wrapped around his hand. Loki observed the events dully, only mildly surprised that his powers were manifesting themselves. There was a quiet hiss.

A snake. It was small, thin and weak. As much as he tried to make the creature become strong and dangerous, it remained as it was. It flicked its tiny tongue nervously as it clung tightly to his limb. It was afraid of letting go. Suddenly feeling for the strange little animal, Loki gently ran a finger down the length of its back, causing it to glow a luminous green. This thing could be strong if he nurtured it. Without his strength, it would fall to the ground. Forgotten.

The Sun vanished behind a thick layer of black clouds as it sank towards the horizon. Its light was red now, and it shone through thin cracks in the clouds, making the sky bear veins of blood in the twilight. Asgard, the Golden City, the Realm Eternal, looked considerably less impressive when the Sun and the arms of Yggdrasil were blanketed out of view. Loki moved onwards and entered the Halls of Odin, slipping past the guards as easily as an owl glides past unnoticed in the night. The snake still clutched his hand. It seemed to squeeze slightly whenever he tried to forget it was there.

He found Frigga first. She was seated on Odin's throne - as his equal and queen, only she was allowed to sit in the seat of absolute power when the king was not present. Had Odin fallen into the Odinsleep? How long had it been since Loki had deserted Asgard? Frigga remained unaware of her son's presence. She sat perfectly still, her gait noble and proud, but her mind appeared to be elsewhere judging from her unnaturally blank expression. Perhaps a part of her missed him. But Loki knew should he put his hand on hers, whisper a greeting in her ear or reveal himself entirely, she would take her sword and slay him where he stood. Undoubtedly, even a mother's love could be destroyed by his acts.

His chest growing more hollow by the second, Loki reached out until his free hand was hovering over one of her own. This woman had raised him as her own and loved him unconditionally. Her love was one thing he could not bear to lose. It was too late. He cast a small, unnoticeable spell that would help ease her troubled thoughts. _I'm sorry._ Nevertheless, she too had lied to him all these years. Loki quickly retreated from her and swallowed a curse, anger blooming. Love was indeed something weak if it could so easily forge lies and hatred. It was something amusing. Only fools can love.

The snake hissed again. Seemingly of its own accord, it was now growing in length. It grew so long that it was forced to wrap around his forearm, new muscles rippling along its sleek, green body. It was growing stronger. Perhaps his hatred and anger was feeding the creature? That was what had made him strong after all these years, the burning rage in his heart that had grown steadily from a small flame into a raging furnace. Within that fire he had found the strength to finally become all he could be.

Once again, Loki stroked the length of the snake's back. It raised its head to look at him, its beady black eyes small, bottomless and empty pits. _Don't feel sad. I'm always here. I won't hurt you. _

Loki swept away, clutching the snake to his chest.

Whilst travelling the halls of the palace, he saw many people that he had considered his friends whilst he bore the name Odinson. He saw Lady Sif and the Warriors Three milling around uselessly. They had never truly liked him. They had never seen worth in his skills, despite his countless attempts to impress them with magic and tricks. Such things were considered tools of cowardice in Asgard. He was a fair swordsman but he had not been interested enough in the art to develop it further, not when his talents so clearly laid elsewhere. A concept such as that seemed to be unfathomable to most people in this realm.

His friends had stamped all over his rule and defied him. One day, they would know his wrath. They would know what it was like to drift aimlessly in the cold vastness of space for months on end with only their thoughts for company. They would know what it was like to cross the path of worlds of fire, ice and shadow, unable to summon the energy to teleport to the realms that were so close, yet so far away. They would know. And then, when they had drifted enough to satisfy him, he would banish them to the realm of demons where they would burn for the rest of their lives. Perhaps they would not question his power once he was done with them.

The snake lifted its head until a portion of its body stood upright. Its head was now hooded, and it swayed in a hypnotic fashion as it watched his friends. Loki stroked its head to calm it. Their time would come.

Onwards he went. The god was not quite sure what he was looking for, or even why he had returned to Asgard. There had been the itching curiosity to see how his departure had affected the royal family, but he had thought he had not cared that much. Perhaps it was the longing for familiarity after having spent so long forging deals and partnerships with the various creatures of the nine realms. His plans were coming together nicely. This was just a short breath of fresh air before he unleashed terror onto Midgard. Loki smiled shortly; to his family, it would be like he had risen from the dead. In a way, it was true. He was fully fledged, now, his power unbridled. There was nobody to hold him down.

A small group of women passed the god, chattering and laughing amongst themselves. With a sharp pang, Loki realised the lady who had taken his fancy long ago was amongst them, her golden hair swaying side to side as she walked. Her name was Sigyn. She was beautiful. One of the few who had graciously accepted his advances. Loki longed to find Thor, but he could not help but stare at the retreating back of Sigyn, reluctantly recalling the way she smiled whenever he trailed gentle kisses up the soft skin of her neck. What did she think of him, now? Did she mourn his supposed death? Without a doubt, she was repulsed by the idea of him being a Frost Giant. Her friends had likely mocked her upon the revelation of what he was.

The snake suddenly tightened around his arm. He glanced at it, grinding his teeth together in fury. What were the chances of him ever seeing her again? _Forget her,_ the creature seemed to say as it swayed before his face. _You don't need anyone else. Not anymore._

Before his eyes, the snake began yet another transformation. As it grew, the manifestation wound itself around the back of his neck, and then coiled its long, thick tail around his body possessively. It was _heavy_. The ropey length of its body must have been as thick as his upper arms. No longer was it the weak and feeble creature that had clung desperately to his hand. Now, it was more dangerous than ever before, and threatened to crush his very being. Nevertheless, Loki ran a hand down the muscled, scaled body and marvelled at its newfound strength. He felt an affectionate nudge at his cheek.

_Forget. Nothing is more important than justice. When will I get mine?_

Loki moved on, slightly disturbed by the snake's mutterings. It spoke as if it were him. But the things it … _he_ was thinking were the darkest he had ever known. The idea of staring it in the eyes scared the god slightly, for he had never seen anything like it. Its presence was crushing anything pleasant that may have remained in his mind. Asgard was surely driving him to madness. The sooner he was calculating his takeover of Midgard, the better.

Impatient now, Loki teleported himself through walls in search of Thor, desperate to see if there was any indication that his brother missed him at all. He spied Odin in the royal bedchambers. So the Allfather had not fallen into his yearly slumber, after all. He was stood on the golden balcony, leaning into Gungnir as he watched something below the palace. Loki did not feel regret as he stared at his father's back.

A few words. That's all it would have taken. _I'm proud of you, son. I love you. _

Such pretty words were saved for Thor and Thor alone.

_I know you could do it. You would make a great king._

_No, Loki._

How easy it would be to severely maim the Allfather as he stood oblivious. Payback for the lies. Justice for always being second to the precious Thor. He had been stood in shadows his entire life, he deserved _something._ No. What was he thinking? He couldn't hurt his father. He wouldn't. Would he?

The snake nudged his face again. _But he isn't my father. I killed my father. _To gain this man's love. He had killed his own father to make Odin proud. _And still he favoured Thor over me! _

A sudden burning sensation made Loki clamp a hand over his throat. The snake had dripped venom onto his flesh, its putrid smell piercing his nostrils as he bit his lip to avoid crying out. The venom left no burn or even a mark on the skin, however. The venom burned at something inside of him, instead. He tugged at the snake's body, trying to shift its weight, but the creature merely tightened its hold. A catlike eye bore into his face. _I could do it. I could do it now. _

No. Stop and think.

Odin's time would come, too. Soon enough. Loki could be patient when he wanted to be. He could be anything. Now was not the time to be as a brash as his brother. _See, Odin? I am as capable of mercy as Thor. _

Anger near blinding him, Loki sought out his brother's consciousness using his powers. Upon finding it, he teleported and found himself stood on the edge of Bifrost, the place where Thor had hammered away Loki's attempts too destroy the savage Frost Giants. Ever the unmoving sentry, Heimdall stood with his back to Asgard, gazing out into Yggdrasil with those amber, all-seeing eyes. Next to him was Thor. The thunder god was dressed down. His hair was messy and his beard unattended to. Loki could not see his eyes, but he knew they would be filled with grief and despair, the same as they had been just before Loki relinquished his hold on Gungnir and fell out of existence.

He did not wield Mjolnir.

One push.

No.

_Coward._

No, it was cowardice when the opponent's back was turned.

_I don't care._

Heimdall would kill him.

_I have the Casket._

"Can …" Thor suddenly croaked, tearing his solemn gaze away from the abyss. "What is she doing now?"

_See, it is the mortal he mourns, not me!_

"Her search continues. She is struggling, but determined," Heimdall replied.

"Do you think she will find a way?"

_I found a way, Thor. I'm here._

"She is mortal. They have limits. We must rebuild the Bifrost, otherwise the nine realms are lost to us forever. Evil can strike at any time and we will not be there to help."

Loki was torn between a desire to kill Thor or reveal himself and hold his brother until all of his anger was released. Maybe … maybe if he lifted the shroud of shadows for a moment, Heimdall would be able to see him if Thor requested it.

He did so. There he stood, his face twisted in rage and longing, a ghastly green snake using his body as a host. For a moment, he relished the true feeling of the breeze soothing his heated skin. He waited.

"I miss her, Heimdall. The mortals are short-lived yet do the best they can with everything. They possess the determination and will to learn everything about the universe they live in. She taught me that," Thor muttered, putting his hands on his hips as he looked to the World Tree once again. "Is she happy?"

"Not as happy as when she was with you. But her love for you gives her strength. She will be fine, Thor."

The two gods fell into silence, completely unaware of the third stood only a short distance away.

_I could overpower them._

Not now.

_I don't want to._

Not now!

_Weak._

No!

The snake began growing to an unreasonable size. As burning guilt, anger and grief all but tore at his mind, the weight of the creature threatened to drag him to the ground. His shoulders shook beneath the crushing size of its python frame. His knees felt as if they were going to collapse. He had to give in.

It was no longer the bright, luminous green it had been mere seconds ago. It was now a dark, dirty black, and its eyes glowed like two fierce flames in the night. Loki could barely take the strain any longer. It was squeezing his body without mercy, now. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. His mind gave way to everything dark and bad that the creature was forcing into him. Gods, the _pain._ Loki scrabbled weakly at the taut coils that were as thick as his thighs. He couldn't give in to the anger, the malice, he couldn't let it control him -

_Thor, help me, I can't do this on my own._

The world turned black as everything overwhelmed the god.

Childhood. Fun. Adventure. Competition. Thor.

Adulthood. Adventure. Jealousy. Irritation. Thor.

Long centuries. Bubbling anger. Second best. Cold shadow. _Thor._

Loki was briefly aware that he had teleported himself. Where, he did not know. The red anger blinded his senses.

"Leave me!" Loki bellowed, pounding his fist into the ground. The snake's grip tightened. "Leave me!" Another pound. Tighter grip. "Just go! Leave me!" A final pound, and Loki felt blood pouring from his knuckles. The concrete he had hit was now a small, steaming crater. "Please!"

He felt eyes watching him as the snake's physical form disappeared. But still it remained, coiled around his heart. There the tremendous sense of loss, guilt and fury would remain until the end of his days.

Midgard. With a fierce cry, Loki used his magic to lift the nearest car and throw it into a building. He could barely hear the screams, as if he were underwater. Another car. This one fell into a fiery heap and exploded. Metal, glass and brick shattered. This world was his, now, and it would see the brunt of his pain, the true force of his power, until all of its inhabitants kneeled and begged for mercy. Oh, he was void of that, now. The creature had crushed it out of him. _They_ had chased it away.

* * *

><p>"Halt, Thor."<p>

The god of thunder paused in his retreat back to the palace. Heimdall had stiffened, his shoulders suddenly tense.

"The shadows have lifted, but still they cling to him. I can see your brother. It is not as you feared."

Thor could have fallen to his knees and wept. So great was the relief and joy that surged through his body that for a moment he forgot to breathe. A part of him had known Loki was not dead.

"It is worse."

_What?_

"Is he hurt?" Thor demanded, spinning to face the Gatekeeper urgently. A pause. "Heimdall!"

"Physically, he is fine. Something has eaten him from the inside out. He has lost his sanity. Midgard faces his wrath. You must tell Odin, Thor. We must protect the mortals."

"My brother is _not_ mad! He has been like this before!"

"The worst he did was father two monsters and a death goddess during then. I see him now. His rage will destroy Midgard. He was born a Frost Giant and he is every bit as ruthless and persistent as his forefathers. I command you to go to Odin and tell him what has occurred!"

Breathing heavily out of shock and rage, Thor mounted his horse and raced back to the Halls of Odin. He was torn between being joyous and fearful. His brother was alive, but at what cost? What extremes would Loki's fury bring to the mortals?

One thing was for certain. He would find him and bring him home to where he belonged.


End file.
